do you ever stop and just think about your life? what are your interests? what do you see yourself doing in the next 5 years? what do you want to do?
i had a really deep conversation the other day and i was on the verge of tears. not that the conversation was sad or made me feel belittled, it just made me take a step back and really LOOK at my life. not that i’m not happy with my life, im just still not sure of what i want to do for the rest of my life. there’s so many open doors, so many possibilities, so many things that i like or even love to do. but you have to pick, you cant necessarily do everything. well you could, but you cant have your main focus on all of them. you usually do what you love over what you have to do or should do, or what will make you happy. even though if you really look at it, in the end its about the money. it doesn’t matter if you love doing what you do or not, you have to be able to support yourself, make a living.
this is where i come at a stop, at this crossroad (unfortunately to me its road of multiple paths). i love music, i love my music. it has always caught my attention and just grabs my soul in a way that i cant even put into words. it really is my joy. i just get completely submerged in it and i don’t wanna get out. i’m in my place with music. my happy place. but you see, no matter how much i love it i cant say in all honesty that this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. there’s just so many other things i could do, so many things i could be good at doing. i don’t know whats stopping me from saying “this is it. this is my passion. what could be a better living than doing something that has my heart?”
If someone were to walk up to me and ask if I was happy with my life, I wouldn’t know how to answer them. I can’t really tell if I am or not. There isn’t anything keeping me from happiness, or that I know of.
I wanna be a little girl dancing around in the rain and splashing in the puddles with pure joy in my heart.
Is that possible?